Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
