all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
