The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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