Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
