i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
