You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.