I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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