Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
