Pappa wants mamma naked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
