Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
