I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
