sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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