Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
the raccoons are back...
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