i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
