Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
