rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
