It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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