i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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