There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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