Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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