wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
