so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
