My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
