meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
