Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
