Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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