just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
