I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
