is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Vodka?
Forever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
