What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
