hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
