i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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