it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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