Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
