i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
