I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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