4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
