my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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