Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
