My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
