i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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