And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
