Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
