a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
