the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
