You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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