i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
