bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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