false alarm. still invincible.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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