So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
