My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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