What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
