if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
