I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
