24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
