so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You dont lie about slip and slides
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
