I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
