I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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