Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
