When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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