its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
