He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
