He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
