mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
