dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
