I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
