wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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