where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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