You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
