I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
