after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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