So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
