you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
