I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
