it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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