dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
