The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
